TikTok Free

Happy to announce that I still haven’t broken my 2023 New Year’s resolution. I’ve been TikTok-free all year.

[Princess-waves at the crowd.]

Maybe it’s because I’m choosing not to imbibe but I’ve been noticing that more and more news sites publish articles about TikTok.

Not the company, mind you. The videos.

Most of the stories are about clips that have already gone viral (ie., someone you’ve never heard of lip-syncing a song that you’ve also never heard of). Totally relatable.

The second most frequent mentions are usually on a Fox affiliate and focus on dangerous IRL activity among local teens who’ve been inspired by a viral TikTok trend… like making lava angels at the nearby volcano or diving into an unfilled pool neck-first.

[As a parent, you just want to reach out to that young, impressionable influencer and say— “That’s nothing dude! We did soooo much worse. But we were smart enough not to record it.”]

And finally, there’s a growing number of stories that are about recently-posted TikToks that haven’t yet gone viral… that the author of the piece believes might go viral.

You might read them and be like “Who do these AI journalists think they are? AI marketing consultants?”

But they’re not trying to predict virality so much as make it happen. Which— as we all know— is impossible unless the article itself goes viral. Which means the article… needs an article… needs an article…

[Splat!]

[That’s the sound of genius hitting the windshield.]

—

My point— before my big reveal of the grand idea, a unifying theory of everyTok— is that I’ve used all the time I saved by not watching TikTok… to better understand TikTok. I’m like a really expensive college education: I learn by *not* doing the thing I’m studying.

[Smiles, pointing to big brain.]

There! Credibility established.

[Winks confidently at no one in particular.]

I can finally challenge Big Consulting’s iron grip on obvious predictions about the future of tech.

Ready?

If you’re looking for a future-forward side-hustle, I suggest that you start a site where your AI journalists cover— and I mean exclusively— all the AI journalists who publish stories about Tiktok clips.

My promise to you: if you build it, I’ll start an AI site that covers your site and any like it.

Bam! An infinite hall of AI mirrors.

Instant Singularity.

[Published from a beach in Noord, Aruba… to remind everyone that family vacations should be spent thinking deep business thoughts.]